''I dare to call this progress....Perfectly Imperfect''
Once upon a time I'd have begun this blog post with some cheerful [?] off-the-cuff-remark to get it rolling.
Yet, today it doesn't seem necessary. I think that overall it's positive and if you find it helpful, then I'm pleased. If not your sort of thing, then thanks for looking anyway. Good luck with your own search. Today, this is about my own.
So much has changed in 2016; so many relationships, situations, memories, abuses revisited and ways of perceiving , reacting, responding, living have been taken apart and put together again, with additional understanding; assisted by counselling, reading, videos, friends and family.
Whether my early memories were [or were not] accurate, informed, complete or simply remembered differently for my protection, now has much less relevance. 'We all have our own reality' was a suggestion that made me think - it became a little less about putting right the past, or getting apologies or imagining 'what things might have been like....'. It became more about learning and understanding better our simple daily human contact, relationships, motivations, the many, many WAYS of communicating and then simply considering the possibility of moving on in a more enlightened, self reliant way.
Too easy?? The encouragement and practices of Yoga and Mindfulness have been a revelation that helps me to better live in the present; not to lounge so easily in churning, repetitive, destructive, devaluing thoughts and anxieties from the past... or lurking in the future.
It's not easy. My favoured mental 'back-up' is to visualise tossing a pebble into a pond and then 'watching' the resulting changes, reflections, ripples, rhythms and movement as it continues it's journey to the bottom of the mental pond you're imagining, ending in the cloudy mud!. I've always enjoyed being by water or the sea, so this certainly works for me. Concentrating on the rhythm of one's deep breathing - 'being with the breath' -is another that I rely on for returning to sleep in the wakeful hours of the night.
My daughter-in-law thoughtfully loaned me a book that I'd happily recommend to anyone:
'The Little Book of Mindfulness' by Dr Patrizia Collard.
I found in that book the examples I've just mentioned.
The book also contains a wonderful poem 'The Guest House ' by Jalal Al-Din Rumi [an Afghan , 1207-73] :
https://allpoetry.com/poem/8534703-The-Guest-House-by-Mewlana-Jalaluddin-Rumi
It suggests meeting every daily event as an unexpected 'visitor' to your life , to be welcomed in with a laugh and a smile; whatever is brought, 'good, bad, enriching or wantonly destructive'. Again, this is a nice idea but not an easy concept for the 21st century, or any other for that matter!
So, how does it help? It suggests to me that living this way - or at the very least aspiring to it - sloughs off some of the destructive elements of existence and supports and supplements my sense of self value and worth each day. That it can and does enable me to sustain my individuality, personality, purpose and reason for belief in life, despite or because of all that happens. Whatever words are used, it's a useful, supportive way of thinking, a way of seeking balance and personal growth.
By comparison, my upbringing was pseudo-Christian and moral, with all the 'bells and whistles' of non-conformist self control and repressed feelings and emotions. Some say 'it's not really like that' - but it can be and was then, for me. Ironically, this was in a family that denied having a meaningful religion, for whom the lights went out on death!
Daily 'sin', no meaningful 'confession', obedience, apology and submission to authority and punishment, no redeeming 'joy' except in the future promise of eternity when with a bit of luck the past would be forgiven. ''To give and not to count the cost, to fight and not to heed the wounds, to labour and not to seek for any reward.. except for knowing thy God '' rings again from my childhood and early schooling. As a teenager, I couldn't wait to get away and did so, to London, and my personal baggage went with me.
Overall, a very negative, draining, childhood experience that did not seek to express love, enrich self expression, self worth or emotional development in the way that early schooling encourages nowadays.
My mother tells me that this is 'the way things were' and that is her view.
Whatever the achievements of my life so far, the sudden death of my father a year ago brought me back to my family history and childhood with an unexpected bang. Unresolved, hidden and overlooked childhood issues and dominant and selfish relationships had to be faced and I ultimately - inevitably I guess - experienced depression and thankfully, a desire for help and change.
Now, that's my history done and as 'resolved' as it ever will be. I don't want to go back, but rather to make the best of now and the days I have yet to come. To find joy in daily events and, on the bad days, smile whilst today becomes.. yesterday.
Family, friends, books, song, music, education and simple pleasures will I hope keep me going now and help to develop my sense of worth.
'I dare to call this progress, because I now see myself as ''Perfectly Imperfect''
Yet, today it doesn't seem necessary. I think that overall it's positive and if you find it helpful, then I'm pleased. If not your sort of thing, then thanks for looking anyway. Good luck with your own search. Today, this is about my own.
So much has changed in 2016; so many relationships, situations, memories, abuses revisited and ways of perceiving , reacting, responding, living have been taken apart and put together again, with additional understanding; assisted by counselling, reading, videos, friends and family.
Whether my early memories were [or were not] accurate, informed, complete or simply remembered differently for my protection, now has much less relevance. 'We all have our own reality' was a suggestion that made me think - it became a little less about putting right the past, or getting apologies or imagining 'what things might have been like....'. It became more about learning and understanding better our simple daily human contact, relationships, motivations, the many, many WAYS of communicating and then simply considering the possibility of moving on in a more enlightened, self reliant way.
Too easy?? The encouragement and practices of Yoga and Mindfulness have been a revelation that helps me to better live in the present; not to lounge so easily in churning, repetitive, destructive, devaluing thoughts and anxieties from the past... or lurking in the future.
It's not easy. My favoured mental 'back-up' is to visualise tossing a pebble into a pond and then 'watching' the resulting changes, reflections, ripples, rhythms and movement as it continues it's journey to the bottom of the mental pond you're imagining, ending in the cloudy mud!. I've always enjoyed being by water or the sea, so this certainly works for me. Concentrating on the rhythm of one's deep breathing - 'being with the breath' -is another that I rely on for returning to sleep in the wakeful hours of the night.
My daughter-in-law thoughtfully loaned me a book that I'd happily recommend to anyone:
'The Little Book of Mindfulness' by Dr Patrizia Collard.
I found in that book the examples I've just mentioned.
The book also contains a wonderful poem 'The Guest House ' by Jalal Al-Din Rumi [an Afghan , 1207-73] :
https://allpoetry.com/poem/8534703-The-Guest-House-by-Mewlana-Jalaluddin-Rumi
It suggests meeting every daily event as an unexpected 'visitor' to your life , to be welcomed in with a laugh and a smile; whatever is brought, 'good, bad, enriching or wantonly destructive'. Again, this is a nice idea but not an easy concept for the 21st century, or any other for that matter!
So, how does it help? It suggests to me that living this way - or at the very least aspiring to it - sloughs off some of the destructive elements of existence and supports and supplements my sense of self value and worth each day. That it can and does enable me to sustain my individuality, personality, purpose and reason for belief in life, despite or because of all that happens. Whatever words are used, it's a useful, supportive way of thinking, a way of seeking balance and personal growth.
By comparison, my upbringing was pseudo-Christian and moral, with all the 'bells and whistles' of non-conformist self control and repressed feelings and emotions. Some say 'it's not really like that' - but it can be and was then, for me. Ironically, this was in a family that denied having a meaningful religion, for whom the lights went out on death!
Daily 'sin', no meaningful 'confession', obedience, apology and submission to authority and punishment, no redeeming 'joy' except in the future promise of eternity when with a bit of luck the past would be forgiven. ''To give and not to count the cost, to fight and not to heed the wounds, to labour and not to seek for any reward.. except for knowing thy God '' rings again from my childhood and early schooling. As a teenager, I couldn't wait to get away and did so, to London, and my personal baggage went with me.
Overall, a very negative, draining, childhood experience that did not seek to express love, enrich self expression, self worth or emotional development in the way that early schooling encourages nowadays.
My mother tells me that this is 'the way things were' and that is her view.
Whatever the achievements of my life so far, the sudden death of my father a year ago brought me back to my family history and childhood with an unexpected bang. Unresolved, hidden and overlooked childhood issues and dominant and selfish relationships had to be faced and I ultimately - inevitably I guess - experienced depression and thankfully, a desire for help and change.
Now, that's my history done and as 'resolved' as it ever will be. I don't want to go back, but rather to make the best of now and the days I have yet to come. To find joy in daily events and, on the bad days, smile whilst today becomes.. yesterday.
Family, friends, books, song, music, education and simple pleasures will I hope keep me going now and help to develop my sense of worth.
'I dare to call this progress, because I now see myself as ''Perfectly Imperfect''
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