This morning finds me at my desk with a lively mind .
This morning finds me at my desk with a lively mind to put in order.
Last evening was my regular counselling appointment, which is part of the reason. Others include my singing lesson later, and the uncertainty of tomorrow with the chance to experience what might be the beginnings of a new career. [More anon].
If I do what I tell myself, I can put these later events to one side. They will be fun and I'm looking forward to them, albeit with the full knowledge that in both cases I shall come away knowing more than when I went in. I shall meet many new people. So be it, I'll do my best. Nervous!
So, to 'Counselling', the Psychodynamic version. I sit in a comfortable armchair facing the counsellor at an angle. She smiles and is approachable, we talk. I have the first word...'Well here we are again...'.. silence ... 'What shall we talk about?'..
She responds to my defensive strategy by asking about what has happened since we last met... I can't recall.. it's two weeks since.
So I start off by talking about discovering my feelings in a richer sense.. seeing more in the world as compared to most of my life; two dimensional, or colour blind are two analogies I'd give.
Talking about how things were improving in that way. I've come to a conclusion that part of my 'problem', if that is what was, has been that I didn't give out the right social signals to others.
Lack of eye contact, lack of warm smile and presumably with it, to others, the suggestion that either I didn't want social contact and understanding or , indeed, had another hidden agenda.
Of course I recognise now that many people 'put on a brave smile and face' at the start of a new day.. either practised or literally applied by make-up or clothing. Nothing wrong in that. Fiction or biography or daily life give many examples of this. I could personally give examples but what matters to me is that I feel something really has changed in me, even if I can't quite put my finger on it.
Yes, I smile and laugh more readily. I (believe) am less quick to offer my advice. I listen and look. We smile and chat openly. That is good. I admit to vulnerability, I try to be more aware and use all my senses.
And I suspect that the real 'whammy' is that - somehow - I find it easier now to accept what others offer me, I respond better to their 'offering'. Is that why my 'self worth' , my emotional bank account of understanding, has increased a bit... been endowed, enhanced by time shared with others recently?
We shall see. :)
Last evening was my regular counselling appointment, which is part of the reason. Others include my singing lesson later, and the uncertainty of tomorrow with the chance to experience what might be the beginnings of a new career. [More anon].
If I do what I tell myself, I can put these later events to one side. They will be fun and I'm looking forward to them, albeit with the full knowledge that in both cases I shall come away knowing more than when I went in. I shall meet many new people. So be it, I'll do my best. Nervous!
So, to 'Counselling', the Psychodynamic version. I sit in a comfortable armchair facing the counsellor at an angle. She smiles and is approachable, we talk. I have the first word...'Well here we are again...'.. silence ... 'What shall we talk about?'..
She responds to my defensive strategy by asking about what has happened since we last met... I can't recall.. it's two weeks since.
So I start off by talking about discovering my feelings in a richer sense.. seeing more in the world as compared to most of my life; two dimensional, or colour blind are two analogies I'd give.
Talking about how things were improving in that way. I've come to a conclusion that part of my 'problem', if that is what was, has been that I didn't give out the right social signals to others.
Lack of eye contact, lack of warm smile and presumably with it, to others, the suggestion that either I didn't want social contact and understanding or , indeed, had another hidden agenda.
Of course I recognise now that many people 'put on a brave smile and face' at the start of a new day.. either practised or literally applied by make-up or clothing. Nothing wrong in that. Fiction or biography or daily life give many examples of this. I could personally give examples but what matters to me is that I feel something really has changed in me, even if I can't quite put my finger on it.
Yes, I smile and laugh more readily. I (believe) am less quick to offer my advice. I listen and look. We smile and chat openly. That is good. I admit to vulnerability, I try to be more aware and use all my senses.
And I suspect that the real 'whammy' is that - somehow - I find it easier now to accept what others offer me, I respond better to their 'offering'. Is that why my 'self worth' , my emotional bank account of understanding, has increased a bit... been endowed, enhanced by time shared with others recently?
We shall see. :)
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