My Life's Magic

''...I have courted prepossession and ignorance, and driven reason away, where either were concerned. Till this moment, I never knew myself. '' Thus writes an ashamed Elizabeth, in Jane Austen's wonderful book 'Pride & Prejudice' after reading and mentally digesting a letter from Mr Darcy. She felt 'ashamed..blind..partial..prejudiced..absurd', as demonstrated by her previous thoughts and actions in connection with Mr Darcy and Mr Wickham . Of course it is all too simple to believe ourselves to be infallible and discerning. I recall a pottery mug with the wise guidance ''Please ensure brain is engaged before opening mouth'' and yet that's only half the story and reason for the title of this blog. Thinking is not always good and constructive, any more than is achieved by acting without thought, it seems to me. We 'think' to drive forward decisions, actions, processes or sometimes to reinforce our sense of being...

I've always thought I am optimistic, yet now I'm not so clear about that.  I've often encouraged myself and others too, to 'look forward', 'expect better', 'something always turns up'. That's positive enough, for sure...and yet I've recently been forced by events and counselling to reflect whether part of my 'optimism' was actually my way of ignoring the past and events of my childhood in particular. I'd compare it to seeing life in two dimensions instead of three. So here I am, now seeing the past years as the experience of a man previously insensitive to so much that others may take for granted and that makes us truly human. Yet still hopeful that I can make a better job of the years ahead. In thoughts and deeds, my 'frown' is becoming a 'smile'.

In my last post I mentioned  how I started 'wobbling'. Is that good or bad? At school, in the physics lessons of early grammar school, I recall learning about the different sorts of 'equilibrium'... including stable and unstable equilibrium. Move away from 'stable' equilibrium and in due course you return to that state, like for instance a clock pendulum, swinging away... and returning... going the other way... and returning...ultimately stopping where it started. For some, this is the lifestyle, safe in the knowledge that their adventures and experiences in life will not disturb their safe resting state, to which they inevitably return. Yet, move away from a state of 'unstable' equilibrium and all hell can break loose in the roller-coaster run to the next point of rest, temporary or final. Think what happens when people step off Cooper's Hill,  cheese rolling in Gloucestershire.. Wheeeeeeeeee................. Thud! With a strong moral and disci...